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Battle Storm...


Storm's coming, war's brewing, rolling clouds choke the light,
Cannon's rumble, bodies tumble, exploding stars steal the night.

The heavens clap, the battle's snap, sinking deep the wounded fall,
The lightning's spark, the thunder's hawk, drinking in the warring pall.

Soldiers crawl, the ranks sprawl, beneath the wall of death,
Eyes clenched tight, in teeth-bared fight, bequeathed their final breath.
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Comments

  1. Ginny BrannanJune 9, 2011 at 7:37 PM

    I have been watching some Gettysburg specials on the History Channel, and this sooo goes along with the battle scenes that took place there. Nicely done!

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  2. e.a.s. demersJune 9, 2011 at 8:00 PM

    Thanks! I've actually been working on a Civil War piece and I guess it spilled over into the Short Story Slam, lol :-)

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  3. AnonymousJune 10, 2011 at 12:49 AM

    This is amazing I love using imagery of a storm to describe war, its a perfect metaphor

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  4. AnonymousJune 10, 2011 at 2:57 PM

    "The lightning's spark, the thunder's hawk, drinking in the warring pall."

    Loved this line. Great use of consonance.

    Vivid work.

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  5. e.a.s. demersJune 10, 2011 at 5:18 PM

    @mindlovemisery-- Thanks! Thunder gets so loud sometimes, it often sounds like a war going on in the sky... couldn't resist the metaphor :-)

    @Bryce-- Thanks for stopping by! Loved your "Kansas Epiphany" entry--- I lived my entire life in tornado alley, but never had one get that close!

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  6. JingleJune 11, 2011 at 12:27 AM

    very brilliant take.

    powerful take.
    well done.

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  7. Andy McDonaldJune 11, 2011 at 10:21 AM

    Very powerful imagery. Well done.

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  8. MISHJune 11, 2011 at 11:48 AM

    There's a strong connection between the elements of war and the elements of a terrible storm - you captured it perfectly , especially the accompanying sights and sounds !

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  9. e.a.s. demersJune 11, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    @ Jingle, Andy & Mish--- Thanks! You guys are too kind :-)

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  10. maritJune 12, 2011 at 2:56 AM

    storm at war... makes me thankful for our soliders

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  11. AnonymousJune 12, 2011 at 10:40 AM

    Slick presentation with vivid images, I enjoyed the piece very much

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  12. Charles L. MashburnJune 12, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    Excellent!! I like this a lot. So vivid, real, and horribly true.

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  13. e.a.s. demersJune 12, 2011 at 5:14 PM

    @marit-- I am thankful also, but I do wish there was no need for soldiers...

    @abthomas-- thanks, I'm glad you like it!

    @Charles-- thanks, but, you're right--- I wish war wasn't so "horribly true" :-/

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  14. LiJune 12, 2011 at 6:06 PM

    Reminds me of WW1, those terrible months in Flanders with perpetual storms and rain turning an already horrible war into an unimaginable hell. A very emotional yet succinct piece of writing.

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  15. e.a.s. demersJune 12, 2011 at 6:52 PM

    It really is hard to imagine what something like that would have been like. I hate everything about war. I know they are necessary, but it just seems like a tragic waste of life on all sides.

    Thanks, Li.

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  16. AnonymousJune 12, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    All the wind and howling fury,
    As the storm increases its pace,
    Bombs exploding, shrapnel landing,
    Within the bunker I hide my face,
    With war or storm I know what's coming,
    Everything gone without a trace.

    Your poem is vivid and filled with emotion. Excellent write.

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  17. e.a.s. demersJune 12, 2011 at 8:31 PM

    Thanks, dan!

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  18. Serena ShayJune 16, 2011 at 8:37 AM

    Nice job! Great imagery. :)

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